Bangkok taxi apps Uber vs. Grab: The Ultimate Showdown

Bangkok does not lack in affordable taxi options, and each type has enough pros and cons that I can't rank them. Here's what you need to know:

The smartphone apps: Free download.
Log in. Connect your credit card in advance (if you want automatic payments) or pay cash after your rides. Click to order a car to your door.

Uber: This international car-share app is used in big cities all over the world, but Bangkok and Chiang Mai are the only cities in Thailand where it's active. Uber drivers are just regular people - NOT official taxi drivers - driving you around in their car to make some extra money.

• Pro: Uber in Thailand is very cheap. Going a few kilometers can cost anywhere from 30-90 thb, which is under $3 USD.
• Pro: You don't need to talk to anyone, or give directions, which is good if you don't speak the local language. You just type in your address and your destination, and the Uber app sends your driver a little GPS map that tells him/her where to go. Easy!
• Con: There are not always a lot of Uber drivers nearby, and sometimes the map shows a driver nearby, but a faraway driver will accept my request instead. Thanks to Bangkok traffic, this means a wait time of anywhere from 5-40 minutes before your car even shows up. Usually less than 40, but you can never be sure, which leads me to the biggest...
• Con: The Uber app doesn't understand Bangkok traffic. Watching your car's expected arrival time is like jumping into a wormhole of time travel and disappointment. First it says your car is 4 minutes away. Then it's 10 minutes. Now it's 8 minutes! Now it's 15 minutes. 10 minutes later, it's still 15 minutes away. Huh. It costs money to cancel, too.

Grab: This app is hot in Southeast Asia, and covers way more cities and towns around here than Uber. Its main claim to fame is calling real, official taxi drivers to your door, but it also offers loads of other options, for a variety of prices, from dirt-cheap randos on mototaxis to the more-expensive-but-still-reasonable real live taxi drivers.

• Pro: Grab has lots of options, which means you'll probably find a ride and not have to wait more than 10 minutes - GrabBike for mototaxis (they do delivery, too!), GrabTaxi for real live official taxis, GrabEconomy, which is basically Uber, as well as some options to get bigger or nicer cars, which Uber also has in most markets. 
• Pro: There are way more GrabTaxis than Ubers or GrabEconomy cars, so you can easily find one. You can find GrabTaxis in other parts of Thailand, too, out of the reach of Uber.
• Pro/Con: The driver will always call you after you book, I guess to tell you how far they are and to make sure you didn't butt-dial and they have the right location. However, they almost never speak any English, and sometimes get flustered and cancel the booking if you're unable to communicate. You must either learn some Thai or accept that you might have to try again with a different driver. Yes, they have a map with your location. No, apparently this isn't enough. This is great if you speak Thai, as the driver will let you know how long you will have to wait. This can be stressful if you don't speak Thai.
• Con: GrabTaxi costs more than Uber and Economy, sometimes twice as much. Still, that makes a ride like $3, so it's not killer, and it beats waiting a half hour.
• Con: Drivers don't seem to use their Grab app maps (what is this, Dr. Seuss?), so you may need to give them directions, probably in Thai or wild gestures (my preferred language), and they probably won't indicate to you that they don't know where they are going, they'll just keep on driving. Be vigilant.

Which is better? You decide. Personally, I use them both. If I'm downtown in an area with a lot of Ubers, that's my go-to, but if I'm a bit out of the way, there's more likely to be a Grab nearby. 

Of course, these apps require you to have a phone and Wifi or data. Next time, we'll go into my favorite non-technological transportation option: the mototaxi.